Back pain is moving Forward

For 3 months I've been playing the game with my insurance to finally get an appointment to see an Orthopedic doctor. Yesterday, I finally met with Dr. Roper, ortho doc extraordinare. I walked into the room with hope that he would have answers, hope that he could tell me what I wanted to hear so I could close the insurance claim on the car accident i was in 2 years ago. I walked out of the room in tears. Feelings of relief coupled over confusion overwhelmed me as I struggled to grasp his advice. He gave me this simple statement, "Move on with your life."

You see, I've spent the past 3 YEARS... hours upon hours, energy, money, doctor visits, hope upon disappointment seeking healing for my back pain. I have 4 bulging, dried-up discs in my lower back along with 2 bones broken off of my vertebrae which are now hanging out in my muscle tissue, never again to grow back. I will never be able to run again, go backpacking, etc. Good thing I ran a half-marathon and climbed Mt. Whitney just a few short months before the surfing accident. The year following my surfing accident (when the majority of my injuries occurred), I was mentally moving on with my life when BAMB, I got in a car accident one year after the surfing accident and ever since I've been consumed with trying to find healing and proof that the car accident caused further damage to my back and the other guy's insurance should pay for some of the thousands of dollars in medical expenses.

I am tired.
I am done with trying the "new" thing that will heal my pain.
I am done trying to get my medical expenses reimbursed.
I am done with praying for a miracle.


I am moving on with my life.

My One Year Anniversary with the Bucks

Starbucks and I have been dating now for one year. I started my coffee master journey on April 31, 2007. I took the job as an interim fix, a band aid for the transition out to Cali while I figured out "what I really wanted to do with my life" (life before babies that is--it's hard to look for a new career when my maternity clock is ticking and starting a family is always somewhere in the back of my mind--I'll be 29 this year people!). Looking back I wonder, "should I have started out at the buck embracing the job fully by becoming a starbucks manager right away, instead of always waiting and looking for what was next?" I'd be making more $ right now and I'd definitely be less bored. I wonder.... all this wasted time and I'm still in the same place.

All that to be said, I have a job search update: I'm officially on part-time staff at our church for good! But let me back up here. I haven't been super psyched about the position, actually I was really hesitant to take the job in general, but nonetheless, after much discussion with the executive pastor I am now committed. My starting title is Connections Director Assistant. What is hard for me to swallow is that I'm only starting out at 8 hrs./week--but in just a few weeks I'll hopefully be up to 16hrs once I have a more defined job description. This means I'm still torn between jobs, focus and purpose. I'm still at the buck part-time so we can attempt to pay our bills.

Why did I take the job? To get my foot in the door. I have to remember this is just a starting point, and 6 months (or whenever) from now I'm hoping to be full-time at the church and using more of my gifts. It's very flattering that I was even hired in the first place! And they want me there long-term.

Tomorrow is my first 8 hr. day in the church office, and I'm struggling to maintain a positive attitude. I feel like my potential is not being utilized yet, and I'm working for less than I want to. I don't feel excited about this position. Tonight I'm reminding myself of truth= I know this is only temporary and my job will continue to morph into something more fitting. For awhile now I've I wanted to be in ministry again (direct ministry--I've been trying to remind myself that my life should be my ministry and I need to stop complaining about not being able to work for a specific ministry when I've had more ministry opportunities at the buck than in most churches) and sitting in a church office isn't exactly what I had hoped for.

What it boils down to is this position isn't what I envisioned the Lord opening up for me. But is that how things really work? But when is it ever what we think it will be? i guess I was expecting the Lord to do something more obvious, ya know? Something where I would say, "wow! This job is exactly what I've been praying for and searching for the past year!"

But then again... maybe this job is exactly that (just not yet), and I need to be content where He has me today and be faithful to what he's given me today.

The Total Money Makeover

Well, because of Wachovia being stupid, we lost our buyer for the Hyundai. We're now so desperate we're trying to sell either the jetta or the hyundai. Anyone? Anyone?

Such is life. We now have 3 cars (granted, one was free) and we've had work done on all three so they're in pretty good shape. It's sweet. Plus, they're all clean thanks to my sweet husband (and the local car wash). :)

As of this month, we have completely revamped the way we do finances. We're now on the "Dave Ramsey" bandwagon and running like a gazelle towards a debt-free life. Or maybe we're just running out of the financial hole Cali dropped us into. Either way, we're on the road to financial freedom and feeling pretty good about it (not to mention we also received all of our tax refunds which feels pretty good). There's something liberating about going to the grocery store and paying with your Debit Card, knowing you have money in your checking account to actually buy what you're buying in that moment. It really does give you a sense of financial freedom and security.

We're trying to use Quicken as well, but haven't gotten the hang of how to work with the new online version. Looks like you have to update your accounts every time you log on. Hopefully we can remedy that.

Guess that's it for now. Onward to living like no one else now so we can live like no one else later!

Wachovia Sucks

I hate, hate, hate Wachovia. If any of you have a loan through them or are thinking about using them as your lien holder, DON'T. We are in the process of paying off our car loan and it has been a complete nightmare. I mean, I'm so angry that I can't even write down the details because i'll get too fired up and start shaking again. :)

The sad thing is that my mom and George also had a horrible experience with them and were really screwed over and ended up leaving them and going with another lien holder. And this was last year. So, we're not the only ones who have been through the ringer with this bank.

THEY ARE HORRIBLE, DISRESPECTFUL, and I promised them in a faxed letter that I would be telling everyone I knew to never use their services. I think this is a good start.